5 Practices for More Effective Communication
Have you ever wondered how your life might be different if you learned how to communicate effectively with others?
Communication is the single most important tool we have available to us as humans and if we can understand how to communicate with each other, we can do anything! Knowing how to effectively communicate will not only change your life, it will change the lives of others around you.
Knowledge is power and knowledge around communication is a SUPER power.
The problem is, no one teaches us how to communicate properly. We mostly learn from our childhood, from those that raised us or what we picked up in school. So our communication has historically been conditioned into us, rather than taught to us. And not knowing the healthy way to communicate keeps us locked in unhealthy cycles that create unhealthy situations.
So how do we fix this? We break the cycle!
And how do we break the cycle, Monique? Through awareness about the importance of communication and understanding how we can take responsibility for our part.
If you want to learn about effective communication, keep reading for five simple tips that, when implemented, you will feel empowered, build better relationships, level up your career, and achieve your biggest goals.
Here are five of my best communication tips on the who, what, when, where, and how of good communication so you can start seeing results TODAY.
WHEN = Choose Favorable Conditions
First and foremost, we need favorable conditions for favorable communication. Just like you wouldn’t go for a hike in the rain, it’s not a great idea to bring up an impossible topic when it’s hailing in someone’s world.
Surprising people with an important, complex, or serious conversation because you are nervous about it puts the conversation at an automatic disadvantage. The other person may not be ready to receive what you have to say and you increase your chances of creating the outcome that you dreaded most when you surprise the other person with a verbal grenade.
There are countless stories of failed conversations because the right conditions weren’t there.
WHEN you communicate is just as important as WHAT you are saying.
I’ll bet there has been a time or two that you planned to throw a grenade in someone’s lap just because it was easier and safer for you. Or maybe you didn’t take the other person’s “when” into consideration and dove into the conversation just because you needed to get it out.
I learned this lesson the hard way during my time as Simon Sinek’s right hand woman. Pro tip: Airports are NOT the place to have in-depth conversations. Listen to that story here.
Knowing the right conditions necessary for a blossoming conversation is a proactive and responsible approach to building relationships.
WHERE = Location Location Location!
Just as we want to choose a favorable time to communicate, we also need a favorable place.
What if someone took their partner out to dinner to tell them they’re cheating? It’s not going to go well. Busy restaurants and crowds of people are not the place to have a deep and meaningful conversation.
Instead, choose a location that feels safe, comfortable, intentional, and conducive to the situation you are communicating.
Take into account privacy, setting, environment, and the people around. Empathize with the other person and choose a place that they will feel calm, relaxed, and receptive in.
WHO = Be Mindful of the Receiver
Knowing WHO you are communicating with and being mindful of their communication style is key to effective communication.
If I were to communicate with everyone in the way that I like best (*cough*) bullet points (*cough*) would everyone understand? Probably not.
Our goal with effective communication is to inspire action. And if the person can’t understand what you are saying, they certainly are not going to be inspired to take action.
We HAVE to take into consideration who we are speaking to if we want to be heard. Communication is a two-way street and so often we concentrate on what WE have to say and we ignore the other person’s needs completely.
The solution is to switch our focus to the receiver: how do they need to hear it and in what way? (This is especially true in new relationships, new hires, new friends, and new coworkers!)
If you are in a leadership position, it is especially important to learn WHO you are speaking to. I used to write my co-workers' strengths in my notebook and before I’d have a meeting, I’d review the strengths of those I was talking with, so I knew what motivated them and how they like to receive information.
It doesn’t take years to figure out what motivates the people around you... you just have to pay attention!
And you can help others learn your style by telling the people around you how you like to communicate, too.
Not sure how you like to communicate? Take some personality tests, like StrengthsFinder, 16 Personalities or Love Languages!
Once you understand WHO you are, you can better understand WHO others are which allows powerful communication to happen naturally. Trust me, you’ll see more positive outcomes because of it.
WHAT = Speak in Positive Language
So you’ve aligned the right time and place that is appropriate to what you want to communicate, you’ve taken into account who you are speaking to and their communication styles, now WHAT do you say?
We are inherently optimistic people and speaking in a positive way gives people hope, motivation, and something to believe in. Positive language inspires action in others and when we communicate, that’s generally our goal.
Think of a time you when someone spoke to you using all negative commands like “can’t” or “won’t”, or used insulting language. Now think of a time that you were spoken to with positive words and actions. Which one felt better to receive?
Try using these speech hacks to transform your language into positive output.
Eliminate “should” and replace it with:
“Might” – it offers options (optional)
“I urge you” or “I recommend” – (suggestive)
“I want” = (definitive)Remove the negative language in your digital communication by adding the words “shouldn’t,” “couldn’t,” and “not” (and about 100 others) as misspelled words in your dictionary.
Replace “but” with “and,” “however,” or “on the other hand.”
(As George R.R. Martin wrote, “Nothing someone says before the word 'but' really counts.”)Other negative words to remove from your vocabulary include absolutes and extremes including: must, always, never, ought to, hate, and have to.
Speaking positively inspires action and creates more successful outcomes for you and your team and allows you to master any conversation with ease.
HOW - How to Listen to Others
Just as we have individual personality types, we have individual listening types.
And the good news is that listening is a learned behavior, not a hardwired trait. This means, if we practice, we can improve!
Listening is mostly an unconscious pattern of behavior that has become ingrained through repetition. We habitually listen for certain types of information and filter out the rest. These filters can act either as blind spots or enhancements to your communication.
Luckily, we get to choose.
Learning how to allow others to feel seen and heard when they communicate is a sign of a full-hearted and effective leader. It is one of the single greatest gifts you can provide a friend, a family member, and even an executive.
If your team or family member does not feel heard, it will often show up as resentfulness, anger, and disinterest, making for ineffective and clashing communication.
For more on what happens when a leader fails to communicate effectively, read this article here.
Empower Your Communication with Others
In order for this two-sided equation called communication to work, we must have active participants involved, and it starts with you.
When you look within yourself, it inspires others around you to look within themselves too.
Be the leader you want to follow and keep learning and growing your communication practices, habits, and understanding.
When you take the time to learn about the humans around you, you will be able to motivate, communicate, and onboard them to your cause with ease.
I believe that we can all be empowered communicators and that if we can step into this SUPER power, we will begin to heal ourselves and humanity as a whole.
YOU CAN master your communication, build a positive community of fulfilling relationships around you, progress in your career and unlock your unlimited potential.
If you’re ready to unleash your power as a communicator, let’s chat. Connect with me here.