5 Traits of a Bad Communicator…and How to Avoid Becoming One!

Have you ever been on the receiving end of bad communication?

Chances are you have and I’m guessing it didn’t make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 

Bad communication is often felt more than heard and the emotional toll it takes on employees can lead to the collapse of an organization or business. It’s important to know what not to do just as much as to know what to do. 

I’m going to let you in on five different communication habits that are destructive to your communication and connection to others. If you want to learn how to be a better communicator, whether you are the one committing the communication crime or receiving it, learning these bad habits will give you the awareness you need to change your habits and actions when communicating. 

The traits and behaviors of bad communicators create fear or hesitation in others when it comes to having hard conversations. This can shut down the healthy exchange of information and be detrimental to an organization or business.

If we can learn to communicate calmly and assertively, instead of with the intention to “win,” prove, or even to tear others down, we will begin building a strong foundation for well-functioning teams and work partnerships. 

A well-communicating organization, team, or Executive/Assistant duo can be unstoppable. 

So are you ready to drop these bad communication habits? Keep reading to learn what they are! 

The Unhelpful Advice Giver

The worst type of advice to receive is unhelpful and in-actionable. So when it comes to giving advice, make sure it inspires clear action.

We all know someone who loves to spout out those ambiguous “words of encouragement” like “innovate,” “improve on your work,” or “you’d be up for promotion if you were more passionate and dedicated!” This also includes “should” statements like, “you should just be happy” or “you should know what to do.” But what do statements like this really mean to us? It can be hard to determine action steps to take away from a conversation with the unhelpful advice giver and often leaves us confused and unsure on how to improve.  

Julia Milner says in her TEDx talk, “The most effective leaders are coaches. Instead of teaching people, you’re helping them to arrive at their own solution.” She even goes so far as to say that the best advice leaders can give... is no advice.

If you are a leader or manager, do your best to give advice that can be easily received and implemented. Clear verbiage, action oriented steps, and thoughtful communication around areas of improvement are the best way to see the results you want.

If you’re receiving advice from an unhelpful advice giver, try asking clarifying questions like, “what are some ways I can raise the bar like you’ve asked?” You can also ask, “Can you give me specific examples?” This way it’s not on you to decipher and determine what your superior is actually saying. 

The clearer the advice the better. And the more helpful the advice is, the more positive the outcomes you’re going to see. 

The Dumper

We all know this person! And sometimes, we are this person. 

The dumper is the person who dumps all the problems, issues, and difficulties onto your plate… one after another. Sometimes they dump so many important issues at one time that it can send you into a tailspin trying to figure out the most important thing to fix first. 

Receiving communication in this way is overwhelming to say the least. Giving communication in this way is not a sign of an effective leader and leads to disorganized communication and ineffective action. 

One MAJOR example of this is ANNUAL reviews. Trying to save everything up over a year to dump on someone’s plate is not helpful or effective.

If you are a manager, leader, or exec, it can be easy to feel overloaded with your daily duties and want to dump all the urgent items onto someone else’s plate. This, however, is not going to get the problems solved in an organized or efficient fashion. It’s only going to lead to an overwhelmed recipient who feels too paralyzed to take action. 

If you actually want to put out fires, then don’t dump! Understand the traits of a positive communicator and how you can convey your message in a way that gets problems solved.

Additionally, just like with a pet or child, delivering consistent and constant positive reinforcement will negate the need to dump negative feedback onto someone all at once.

The Ignorer

Ignoring problems is not solving problems! This seems obvious, but many times (especially in leadership positions), people think that if they ignore the problem, it will just go away. The truth is, problems are more like bed sores... the more you ignore them, the worse they get. 

I see this happen way too often in situations where a leader feels too uncomfortable to have the hard conversations. What happens is the problem continues to grow, get bigger, and become worse. As this continues, the team grows more frustrated, the organization suffers, and employees start leaving. 

Facing the problems doesn’t have to be so hard and with the right communication preparation and styles, having the hard conversations can even be easy! 

Begin facing your problems head on instead of ignoring them. Surround yourself with a team that is ready to grow and start communicating effectively with them when the issues arise. 

Transparency is key on both ends. If, as a subordinate, you see a problem that your leader is ignoring, find a way to bring it to light so it doesn’t fester in the dark and possibly cause even more problems down the road. 

Relationships can improve, lives can change, and organizations can grow when we choose to have the hard conversations. 

The Self Absorbed One

This one is probably the most common bad communication style we see in our day-to-day lives. We are all guilty of it from time to time, so it’s important to understand that communicating in this way is neither productive nor helpful in achieving the results you desire. 

The self absorbed communicator is the one who isn’t listening to what you have to say, but instead only thinking about themselves and what they have to say. They are thinking only of what their comment back or retort will be, rather than patiently waiting and being present.

When any of the communicators are not fully participating in the conversation being had, communication halts.

I’m sure you know some communicators like this! Or maybe, you’re familiar with this from doing it yourself (perhaps a little too frequently). When we communicate like this, it tells others that we don’t care about what they are saying but rather that their own comments are more important.

To move out of this communication style, you have to take your ego out of the conversation. If you can put your ego aside and actually show up, listen, and participate in the conversation, you’ll make the other person feel heard and ensure productive and effective conversations that lead to action. 

It’s not your job to look good or to “win” a conversation. That’s impossible, as a matter of fact. It’s your role to actively listen and participate in conversations with others so that you can achieve goals and grow together. 

The Take Back-er

This can be one of the least favorable communication styles to experience because it can feel invalidating, hurtful, and even confusing. 

This type of communicator is the person who says something (usually hurtful or inappropriate) and then immediately retracts it by saying, “I didn’t mean it that way!” or, “you heard me wrong!” 

YUCK. 

If you’ve ever been in this situation, you know how damaging it can be to your relationship to hear this repeatedly. It causes trust to be broken and resentment to start building. 

When giving or receiving feedback, be mindful of what you’re saying and if you anticipate that you’re not going to mean what you say, then don’t say it! Slow down, prepare your statement, and think about how what you have to say will be received.

It’s not okay to communicate in this way and if you’re a leader or exec, you likely won’t get far in your relationships with your team if you continue to take back what you’ve said. Say what you mean and mean what you say!

How to Become a Better Communicator

To become a better communicator in business, you must practice better communication. It’s that simple. All great communicators have a few things in common: attention, intention, and practice, practice, practice! 

Some people may not struggle with communication as much as others because they grew up in households with good communicators or have screwed up enough to know that they need to adopt better communication habits. 

Either way, it is our responsibility to learn the bad habits of communicators and make sure we don’t repeat them. Doesn’t it feel WAY better to have conversations with people who allow you to feel safe, seen, and heard when you’re speaking? 

With some mindfulness and course correction, you can turn your negative communication traits into positive ones, one hard conversation at a time.

So next time you have a difficult or hard conversation with your assistant, exec, team, or organization, consider how you’re doing it. Are you being a good communicator or a bad one?

To learn more about how to have the hard conversations, be on the lookout for my NEW online communication course: “We need to talk: A guide to tackling tough conversations.” I’ll be taking you on a deep dive into the traits and habits of a good communicator and a bad one and how you can give and receive both positive and negative feedback effectively! 

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