Three Ways How Not To Take Negative Feedback Personally!
To err is human. We may have heard or said this many times in our lives, but we forget to understand its true meaning when it comes to ourselves. To our own humanness. As a result, we don’t give ourselves any leeway or know how to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt.
As humans, we tend to take things personally. This often happens when we hear feedback that we were not expecting. Instead of accepting feedback for what it is - an opportunity to improve and grow - we end up internalizing it. When that happens, we end up with what I like to call an “Identity Trigger.”
When we get negative feedback or suggestions for improvement, which contradict our identity, we unravel. In millennial or straightforward terms, we end up with an identity crisis. Now, there is no need to blame yourself. This is a massive issue for a lot of people, including at times, myself.
Simply put, most of us do not know how not to take things personally. Because of this, we go into a self-blaming loop or, worse yet, end up comparing ourselves to others with completely different life stories and in totally different situations. So, instead of letting the feedback rock our world negatively, over and over again, let’s begin to understand that sometimes suggestions are actual improvements. Accepting the feedback you get is the only way to move forward.
Here are some ways through which you can accept feedback without taking things so personally:
Develop A Growth Mindset
I am sure you have heard this one many times. In order to grow in life, you have to make a transition from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. Your mistakes in life do not define who you are. They are the errors you have made you need to learn from them in order to move on. Therefore, every piece of feedback you get should be seen as a new piece of vital information that can help you grow in life.
Accept that you are a human being bound to take a few missteps and make mistakes. We’re humans and we’re messy. But more than that, except that feedback is part of your life and is one of the major, if not the only, ways to grow. When you make this shift from a fixed way of thinking to developing a growth mentality, you will find avenues of personal development that you had never explored before.
Understand Who “YOU” Are
If you don’t know yourself, any and every piece of feedback you get will end up hurting you and will cause a dent in your self-worth. Luckily, in our modern society with endless technology, we have options for self-discovery! I highly recommend taking personality tests and take as many as you can. Ponder over your answers and reflect on the results you get. Share your results with others. The more you know about your abilities, zones of genius, and areas of weakness, the more you will develop a growth mindset.
When we don’t know our own capabilities, we tend to stay in a fixed mindset. Knowing your strengths, weaknesses, moods, and personality traits is the golden instruction manual to knowing yourself, will help you learn how not to take things personally, and help you use constructive feedback to make changes in your life.
Which Parts Are Yours To Take?
This is one of the most significant things you need to gauge when taking the feedback. First, realize which parts are yours to take and own them. Moreover, understand which parts are not yours and have nothing to do with you or your personality, and you have to let them go. (Cue Frozen song).
We often get defensive when blame is placed on us. Regardless of the mistake in question, you might have had some part to play in how things unfolded. Learn to accept responsibility no matter how big or small it is. Take what is yours, even if it’s 1%, and leave the rest.
Summary
These three tips are among the most efficient ways to learn not to take negative feedback personally. I discuss other ways to learn how to process feedback, not let it affect or trigger you, in my upcoming online course “We Need To Talk: A Guide to Tackling Tough Conversations”.
Understand these concepts and more by investing in my course. For now, sign up for my newsletter so you can be one of the first people to be notified of the launch date. You can explore more about it here.